whats up ally?

whats up with me. ? Im not eating right im not sleeping that well. Oh well doesnt matter. I tried to write a poem..couldnt even do that. I guess its just me. I have been solving puzzles from thats life magazines.... fun. I even rn into mahfoud on here... he is going well...and has gf and is very happy. Which is nice to hear. he deserves some lovely lady.

anyhow, having left overs for tea tonight so i dont have to cook.


i am going to make these egg and apsaragus burgers tomorrow though.

albell

chain

I am painting again...which is so liberating... i am also planning a tripto new zealand to visit my friend. I am not that welll at the moment..depression has settled in, its a hard thing for me to deal with. I hope u r well.I have been throwing a lot of my work out...old stuff. Its also freeing..to not be tied to my past with a ball and chain. I am still a little nuts but oh well.


anyhow
write more later


albell

cross

I am very angry with myself.

for being able to catch the train today

im a bit lost at the moment. Im sure ill find my feet. sometime soon.

i wish i was better. So i can do all the things i like. Im in a rut. A real messed up place.

anyhow.. will write more later alligator

tapping

tap tap tap.. i got up this morning and just felt sad. Im not that great at the moment. Only takes ou to little bit for reality to set in. Its odd i was reading my past journals and used to dream about the devils and angels a hell of lot. I dont know why ever since s in my teens. Its like i had access to the constant battle between heaven and hell. I will write more later.

alligator.

heart

whats it like to have a heart?
TO to the ends of the earth they went for me.

They should have let me drown in the pool
I guess we all have moments like those

Not sure of where I am going
but they were always there for me

i miss a beat
i missed that beat

catching some sun

So its a lovely autumn day. I am inside. Angry as my ipod has broken. Ive had it for 3 weeks and it is so fecked already. So tomorrow, i will buy another one. Im not sure what i did to it.

Well i guess the picture i painted is real pretty

turn turn turn

turn turn turn
turn turn turn.

I do not remember my dreams lately...

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

I could not sleep for a while

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

think its a note of sleep i want

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

bitter pill

the bitter pill of punishment is catching me up. I cant really go out. It was quiet enough in the cafe. Had coffee and brunch. Read some magazine. I am a little bit skeptical about a few things today. I cannot believe as of late. Well I guess.

fear

My greatest fear is and has always been letting go of things that hold me down. The baggage that goes with it. I have heald on to it for a long long time. Pigeonholed myself into a corner,...anyhow i have an appointment today...

better go

love albell

wedding photos

Hi theret l the wedding went well. I will write more about it later here are some photos. I guess I feel a little shattered at the moment.If i had confidence then perhaps things would be different. Once again I have pigeonholed myself in and cant
leave the baggage behind. I hate that. There is little i can do though. how

Anyhow.. i have been having enough pity parties... like the rabbit from alice in wonderland i am later for an important date... i wish I could go travel.. money and laack of being well prevents me.

U know what i miss,? Doing th ings by myself. I used to be able to read and write sitting in the park...go to movies by myself.. i was free back then, for the past ten years i have boxed myself. . U know i cried and cried at louise and alans wedding.
From start to finish. I had a few ladies ask why , i guess its because all my family are partnered up and I well I have no one. It is my fault. I drove them all away. Insecurity... old baggage, unsure of myself... all that jazz.

So its pity party time again.


ciao for now