hiding in

Went out today bloody hot even though it was 9am and at least 2oish outside already. I was only out briefly. Just a break from the house. I think was oing batty from staying home so much.

I posted my friend in the states a letter written on the back of a painting. In a circle again. Waiting to see how much he hates spinning it round and round to read it. I wonder. I have put my hair up into a bun... something i have not done in years.

So i better go and make myself a coffee.. to wake up a bit more.

albell

slowly

Slowly slowly . Its a monday... its going to be a stinking hot week by the looks of things. 30s forcast for the next 5days. Ever so glad for the aircon. I have not been anywhere nor have i achieved much. I had set no goals for the day, i should have. I was ready to go out at 4ish but changed my mind when i stepped outside.. too hot.

I managed to put more and new music onto my ipod..though i feel like wiping it all off and starting again!I won't do that though. I realized im only unsing half of it. So i can put another heap of cds on it.

I have started to write again. Well write a few letters anyhow. I will head down and post them in the morning before the heat kicks in. Shhesh the heat makes one tired. Its now 5pm.. smee is tired. Well I had some rice and tuna for lunch.. just in a bowl. Its what i craved.


Better go now.

ally

down and down.

I am feeling very down today, not sure what to do about it either. I guess its just me. Perhaps things will improve tomorrow.. every day is one step closer to another day.. they say that today is a present. True i guess.

I feel like baking banana bread or something. We have a few that are dark. My life is a little empty and i guess a lot shallow. I want colour back in my life.. i want to make it more vibrant and beautiful.

So little steps? Give in? Anyhow. I am a lot strong.

got to go now

bride war

This is a very entertaining and funny movie. I had not been to a cinema in 3yrs.. i guess its just because I felt like it and wanted to challenge myself to c a film. Good ha? Yepsies. Popcorn, coke and all that jazz.

So today i had a better day the best all week i was amazed. Well its almost half 11pm and im bloody tired.

night night

sheesh

Sheesh, what a day. It is 40 outside.. so we hired some movies.. they have dropped the price of rentals..dramatically i guess its cause they want to keep customers and not lose them to people buying them cheap at stores.

I went out and had two coffees so im wired for sound now and not tired... plus i had lemon cheesecake pie. I just had a roll for lunch too. Oh well. I noticed a mark on my arm today.. i have no idea what its from.. oh well. I was up at 2am til 4am this morning..writing a letter to my pen friend.

I guess.. i was on a drowsy high. As per usual. I am going to go to the movies tomorrow and see a fun film called bride wars (Thats if it is on here) (i hope so) Im challenging myself to do more...

I still feel like shit though. My psychiatrist is worried about my weight.. wants me to get blood tests done.. i guess they didnt put me in hospital,.. but see if i deteriorate i will go in.

So i guess.. i will write more later gator.

ally

silly me

Silly me. Silly be. I am still holding that candle. I have been crying an awful lot today. I had a dream last night so vivid in colours but i dont know what it was all about. *Sighs* I guess im no good at this stuff. I feel alone, totally isolated in my head.

Today i got a letter from angiebear.. i started reading the book she got me for christmas too. I feel like giving in to all these things. I feel like living dreams. What life is about. Solving puzzles.

How is the dolphin swimming,,,going your own way and letting go of all the things that held ya back. Well dinner is almost ready.

got to go

mellow

Very very mellow today. I have been just a little sad.. maybe holding a pity party for myself. Hope i can move on, i know i can. I cant deal with a silent room.. andi fear hospital cause i guess all my creature comforts would be confiscated off me.

So i got a few dvds to watch... which is great. Im not going to the city tomorrow, i am just scared id freak it and then have a two hour hellish trip home.. i have done much reflecting.


U know the thing i held back from most was love. It still is. I cry at most things with love. Material things are not and cannot give u love.. iguess thats why i am a materialistic bitch.All those years ago I think i should have signed up for aa
the times i got drunk to overcome shyness. Making a fool out of myself..was common place.. i think i am now a little on the sober side. Or i have to be. Perhaps i was a massive show off after dutch courage.

I have missed out on a lot of things in life due to my alcohol infused nights. Now.. i have seen the error of my ways.

i could go on and on about this... i probably have and still will. I have started a journal. It is good to write. I just finished a letter to my pen friend.. and have another one to write this weekend.

I am not sure. Anyhow.. lala.

I have just about finished reading the comfort of saturdays.. (alexander mcall smiths) latest installment in the philosophical days of isabell. Its a really good read. I have a few other books to read too... im getting there.

Well.. got a few things to do..better go now


later alligator.