mellow

Very very mellow today. I have been just a little sad.. maybe holding a pity party for myself. Hope i can move on, i know i can. I cant deal with a silent room.. andi fear hospital cause i guess all my creature comforts would be confiscated off me.

So i got a few dvds to watch... which is great. Im not going to the city tomorrow, i am just scared id freak it and then have a two hour hellish trip home.. i have done much reflecting.


U know the thing i held back from most was love. It still is. I cry at most things with love. Material things are not and cannot give u love.. iguess thats why i am a materialistic bitch.All those years ago I think i should have signed up for aa
the times i got drunk to overcome shyness. Making a fool out of myself..was common place.. i think i am now a little on the sober side. Or i have to be. Perhaps i was a massive show off after dutch courage.

I have missed out on a lot of things in life due to my alcohol infused nights. Now.. i have seen the error of my ways.

i could go on and on about this... i probably have and still will. I have started a journal. It is good to write. I just finished a letter to my pen friend.. and have another one to write this weekend.

I am not sure. Anyhow.. lala.

I have just about finished reading the comfort of saturdays.. (alexander mcall smiths) latest installment in the philosophical days of isabell. Its a really good read. I have a few other books to read too... im getting there.

Well.. got a few things to do..better go now


later alligator.