update

Today i have been feeling a stack down. Its been a while since ive written here.. oh well. Thought id blog today. what has been happening:

*made heaps of cards... for the market stall. Only sold under $10 worth. I am going to continue going to the yarragon one. Including one held at the school.

*started a herb garden... they all look tiny but it will look great once in full flourish. Basil, thyme, garlic, chives, mint, peppermint, catnip, tansy, majoram, corriander, flat leaf parsley, curly leaf parley,and sage, oragano, varigated oragano so far... they are all small.. ill have to watch the mint so it doesnt take over the garden..same with the cat grass. Id love to grow some lemon grass and a few other herbs that i dont have. Its a big ;patch.. ive lost the book i had.. i was going to plant them in some kind of order.. i lost the paper that i had it written on... plus Im growing some of them from seed.

*Growing flowers from seed too.. enough to run a small flower stand i think.. dad asked if i was going to open a florist shop with the amount ive got. Some have not come up yet, though i seperated the chillies and have 14 plants.. some of which i shall give away.

*went to my uncles wedding. Which was great brigette looked a million dollars in her wedding dress. It was a great day too. I helped cater for it.. made 80 mini cup cakes. Decorated them all.

*went to the city

* spent a lot of time drawing put a folio together.

*helping to paint the house at weekends with mum... fun fun fun. Got to have it done by the time nicola gets here...ergh deadline!

*nicola, trond and roman are coming out here for christmas.

*looking forward to a holiday by the beach too.

and thats about it for now. I have been experimenting with markers and watercolours lately. Thats my pet project. Anyhow... will write more later alligator.

albell

owies

Owies..i have had my wisdom tooth removed...it hurts like hell. Got a sore jaw...owies..cant make any goodies til next weekish or so. oH WELL.. will be sticking to a diet of mush and warm stuff. So i think i shall go sleep and hope i dont have nightmares. So i dont tknow if u read this anymore..oh well..goodnight.


ally

cupcakes

I have been experimenting with cupcakes. TODAY WAS AN OFF COLOUR haeve y for them. I atttempted some weirdarse recipe chai tea cupcakes..they have the texture of muffins. I am making choc-mocha ones tomorrow. I just love to bake..and tis the right season after all and have found some amazing things to put on them. I owe credit to a few books i have been looking at for inspiration.


Well i will write more later alligator.



ally

long time

Log time, not sure if anymone reads this anymore. I have gone .h
a bit cabin fever ish. Im not sure where to go or what to do. Well i have been drawing a hell of a lot. Which is good. Sold a few pieces. I have to get a pal psyaccount. So i am still seeing my psychologist and an a seeing my case manager.
er p

Im not sure.

anyhow

catch yer later.
i made pumpkin soup vyor dinner i was a bit heavy handed with the curry powh
der.


ergh

ally

opening

So many new shops are opening here.. I thinkthat is a good thing. Heaps and heaps are about to open.. even an art store.. (golly gee) Not that i need any more art supplies. I have plenty,just need another sketch pad. Its mum birthday and Im got her some earrings plus will get her some flowers tomorrow. A nice bunch of iris or somethingt that is in season, no stinky lillies or anything.


So what now for lil ol me? Not sure im alil better than what i was .

darker grows the day

a line from nick cave song... i know.. but thats how it feels. I guess we are not into the depths/ heart of winter yet. Anyhow...i have been reading and scrabbling..and painting. etc.. lala


anyhow..

i will write more tomorrow.

albell

out of

So i have not written in some time. Since my whinge. Lets see now.. I havezeen painting a llittle bit, taking photos sometimes. i m going to buy adobe photoshop this weekend. So i can work on tweaking the photos ive taken.
t
I have no seen louise since about easter...so look forward to her coming home with allen tomorrow night... Ive been lazin about. Tonight it will be me attempting to cook meat for about the first time.. ergh..um if i get food poisoning it will be my fault. Mum said t marrinade them t them in mustard and brown sugar...and put them in the oven. ..

So im going to try that..also cut up al the veggies already... mash with carot and broccoli. Out of this..i am reading this book about sracbble..by of all people Darren Hinch... (i know shame shame shame) ... i am also reading paul Coehleo newie.. the winner stands alone. Its prett dark..the dark side of hollywood really.. the dark that lies in all of us.

I have been playing heaps of scrabble my rating is up. A little. I am maintaining a 62% rate of winning. I dont always go to the beginner spot more of a casual player.
So yeps. I am getting my hair cut in a few weeks time too.

I hope to visit the city sometime too. Its the only thing about not being able to drive... is bloody pt everywhere. Oh well u get sometime. So now.. well.. i better go put the oven on...

ciao for now

love ally

home body

home bod ny..been at home a lot.. Have not written in here as much my as i should. I have had my 31st birthday. Now. So that was a quiet family do this year. Did not feel like celebrating it. Toe place we went for food it took an horur to be served our food.. i think they were out fishing hunting and shooting for it.

Anyhow thats my gripe. Have not done or achieved very much as of late. Lets see now.. nope nothing. A few paintings,a few photos. I got a lot of birthday cards...which is nice. Have had a very quiet days.

One day folds into another...and another and another. ergh..oh well that happens at times. Well i will write more to my neglected blog later..

omlette

instead of ke a giant quiche turned out like a giant omlette damn I took more photos today. Cant post them on here... for somer reason.

mucking around

Soi found myself with a little cabin fever... i picked up the camera and popped on some makeup and began taking photos. .. its good. I love it. Today i used mums pearls, a shawl i bought from denmark and then the parasol that tammy got me from china. I like this photo..i took heaps butonly end up with about 3! Im in high spirits again. Just waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me again

well lets see.. no plans for birthday just might let this one fly by with just the family.
*sigh* welpers. i have a beautiful raspberry leaf tea here...and i ts just awaiting me. I still havent seen friends since early december/november. Not sure what to do about that... ergh anyhow I will put the photo up later as they are doing maintenance

me me me

this is a photo i took of myself... its a nice one so i thought id post it here! I am going to take on photographing myself. Its kinda fun.

on going

On going saga called life is still going on *SIghs* t si dont want to give into voices. I dont want to give in to all the voices. I just wantto be little ol ally again.


well thats

all i gotter sayy

ciao

ally

whats up ally?

whats up with me. ? Im not eating right im not sleeping that well. Oh well doesnt matter. I tried to write a poem..couldnt even do that. I guess its just me. I have been solving puzzles from thats life magazines.... fun. I even rn into mahfoud on here... he is going well...and has gf and is very happy. Which is nice to hear. he deserves some lovely lady.

anyhow, having left overs for tea tonight so i dont have to cook.


i am going to make these egg and apsaragus burgers tomorrow though.

albell

chain

I am painting again...which is so liberating... i am also planning a tripto new zealand to visit my friend. I am not that welll at the moment..depression has settled in, its a hard thing for me to deal with. I hope u r well.I have been throwing a lot of my work out...old stuff. Its also freeing..to not be tied to my past with a ball and chain. I am still a little nuts but oh well.


anyhow
write more later


albell

cross

I am very angry with myself.

for being able to catch the train today

im a bit lost at the moment. Im sure ill find my feet. sometime soon.

i wish i was better. So i can do all the things i like. Im in a rut. A real messed up place.

anyhow.. will write more later alligator

tapping

tap tap tap.. i got up this morning and just felt sad. Im not that great at the moment. Only takes ou to little bit for reality to set in. Its odd i was reading my past journals and used to dream about the devils and angels a hell of lot. I dont know why ever since s in my teens. Its like i had access to the constant battle between heaven and hell. I will write more later.

alligator.

heart

whats it like to have a heart?
TO to the ends of the earth they went for me.

They should have let me drown in the pool
I guess we all have moments like those

Not sure of where I am going
but they were always there for me

i miss a beat
i missed that beat

catching some sun

So its a lovely autumn day. I am inside. Angry as my ipod has broken. Ive had it for 3 weeks and it is so fecked already. So tomorrow, i will buy another one. Im not sure what i did to it.

Well i guess the picture i painted is real pretty

turn turn turn

turn turn turn
turn turn turn.

I do not remember my dreams lately...

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

I could not sleep for a while

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

think its a note of sleep i want

turn turn turn
turn turn turn

bitter pill

the bitter pill of punishment is catching me up. I cant really go out. It was quiet enough in the cafe. Had coffee and brunch. Read some magazine. I am a little bit skeptical about a few things today. I cannot believe as of late. Well I guess.

fear

My greatest fear is and has always been letting go of things that hold me down. The baggage that goes with it. I have heald on to it for a long long time. Pigeonholed myself into a corner,...anyhow i have an appointment today...

better go

love albell

wedding photos

Hi theret l the wedding went well. I will write more about it later here are some photos. I guess I feel a little shattered at the moment.If i had confidence then perhaps things would be different. Once again I have pigeonholed myself in and cant
leave the baggage behind. I hate that. There is little i can do though. how

Anyhow.. i have been having enough pity parties... like the rabbit from alice in wonderland i am later for an important date... i wish I could go travel.. money and laack of being well prevents me.

U know what i miss,? Doing th ings by myself. I used to be able to read and write sitting in the park...go to movies by myself.. i was free back then, for the past ten years i have boxed myself. . U know i cried and cried at louise and alans wedding.
From start to finish. I had a few ladies ask why , i guess its because all my family are partnered up and I well I have no one. It is my fault. I drove them all away. Insecurity... old baggage, unsure of myself... all that jazz.

So its pity party time again.


ciao for now

fire

Bush fires rage and have consumed so much of victoria it is very very sad but sick to think that so,me of them had been deliberately lit. It is sad for everyone. Here in our town on saturday there were road blockages.. and smoke it was eerie at 3pm it was almost grey and black all doom and gloom kinda like hell on earth.

It has made me sad. Very sad. Wild life, people and natures fury. Here our house was covered in soot and there was ash flying out the sky.There are still around 20ish fires happening, over 700houses lost, even some towns completely wiped out, a lot of people dead and wild life and live stock, perished.

A few football grounds have become tent cities, people have bound together and donated money, basic supplies, plus clothes , shoes and food. It is the biggest natural disaster to have ever affected australia. Not to mention all the volunteers, fire fighters, hospitals. everyone in a combined effort.


well i guess thats all the news for now... as sad sad sad as is.

about

today I went out and about. I made myself go down the road. Got a few things . I got a bottle of baylies. Though im supposed to be losing weight in all honesty i dont think i will. Not the way i eat. Its not from my medication. I do think im a lot depressed though. *Sighs*

I used to do a lot by myself..go to parks, sit and write... goto movies.. i used to do that all... i used to have a great life.. think it halted about 10years ago. Its just not fair that i cant do these things again. I used to like my own company.

Natalia is doing a great job creating jewelery out of the beads we sent her. Some stunning pieces, a great flair she has. I took louises bracelet in for repair. I got my tattslotto ticket,.. well u got to be in it to win it I guess.

Well i need a coffee..

ciao

hermit

I have been a bit of a homebody as of late. Just watching ugly betty and drawing. I will go out tomorrow as im tired of being home. Some of the drawings look ok.. others i have torn up. I probably wont paint til after my sister and brother visit.

What els is new? Not much really just this and that. ]


so now i will write more later alligator

ugly betty

I find myself watching ugly betty again. Just felt like some escapism. I am still not all that well still. Its been an absolute heatwave lately nothing under 30.. even the nights are hot hot hot. Ive just been hiding inside. though i made it out today. Just for half an hour. Otherwise ive been housebound for the last 3 days.

I am tired. Even though i had a 2hr nap already. Must be exhausting for those who have to work outside. Sheesh the must swelter. We are going out for dinner tonight.. celebrating my parents 36th wedding anna.

Anyhow... its almost 4 here... so suppose i better get going... watch somemore betty.

albell

heya again

Heya out there again. Smee. not a lot to report again. I went shopping.. got some bling shoes for louises wedding.. they are really blingy. I didnt buy anything else, cept afternoon tea for everyone.

I have been drawing, reading.. my reading.. well all of the 3 books.. i should halt and read one at a time i think. Which one? I am not sure. Managed to go for a lunch out yesterday.. there was a band playing. The food was not so crash hot. Ate it anyhow.

I feel like baking but its way too hot.. maybe id have to get up at some madcapped hour and do so. We have all the stuff to bake with. So now what?

well i have a few letters to write. So take care out there.

albell

Hiding still

Hiding in still. Its wayyyy hot out there. I am quite tired today. There is no suprise. I have to take dvds back to the store. Although i could leave it til tomorrow..an just pay the fine and pay it tomorrow. I dont know.

So what else is new? not too much. Ive been a bit boring lately. Think im going to go and have some lunch.

hiding in

Went out today bloody hot even though it was 9am and at least 2oish outside already. I was only out briefly. Just a break from the house. I think was oing batty from staying home so much.

I posted my friend in the states a letter written on the back of a painting. In a circle again. Waiting to see how much he hates spinning it round and round to read it. I wonder. I have put my hair up into a bun... something i have not done in years.

So i better go and make myself a coffee.. to wake up a bit more.

albell

slowly

Slowly slowly . Its a monday... its going to be a stinking hot week by the looks of things. 30s forcast for the next 5days. Ever so glad for the aircon. I have not been anywhere nor have i achieved much. I had set no goals for the day, i should have. I was ready to go out at 4ish but changed my mind when i stepped outside.. too hot.

I managed to put more and new music onto my ipod..though i feel like wiping it all off and starting again!I won't do that though. I realized im only unsing half of it. So i can put another heap of cds on it.

I have started to write again. Well write a few letters anyhow. I will head down and post them in the morning before the heat kicks in. Shhesh the heat makes one tired. Its now 5pm.. smee is tired. Well I had some rice and tuna for lunch.. just in a bowl. Its what i craved.


Better go now.

ally

down and down.

I am feeling very down today, not sure what to do about it either. I guess its just me. Perhaps things will improve tomorrow.. every day is one step closer to another day.. they say that today is a present. True i guess.

I feel like baking banana bread or something. We have a few that are dark. My life is a little empty and i guess a lot shallow. I want colour back in my life.. i want to make it more vibrant and beautiful.

So little steps? Give in? Anyhow. I am a lot strong.

got to go now

bride war

This is a very entertaining and funny movie. I had not been to a cinema in 3yrs.. i guess its just because I felt like it and wanted to challenge myself to c a film. Good ha? Yepsies. Popcorn, coke and all that jazz.

So today i had a better day the best all week i was amazed. Well its almost half 11pm and im bloody tired.

night night

sheesh

Sheesh, what a day. It is 40 outside.. so we hired some movies.. they have dropped the price of rentals..dramatically i guess its cause they want to keep customers and not lose them to people buying them cheap at stores.

I went out and had two coffees so im wired for sound now and not tired... plus i had lemon cheesecake pie. I just had a roll for lunch too. Oh well. I noticed a mark on my arm today.. i have no idea what its from.. oh well. I was up at 2am til 4am this morning..writing a letter to my pen friend.

I guess.. i was on a drowsy high. As per usual. I am going to go to the movies tomorrow and see a fun film called bride wars (Thats if it is on here) (i hope so) Im challenging myself to do more...

I still feel like shit though. My psychiatrist is worried about my weight.. wants me to get blood tests done.. i guess they didnt put me in hospital,.. but see if i deteriorate i will go in.

So i guess.. i will write more later gator.

ally

silly me

Silly me. Silly be. I am still holding that candle. I have been crying an awful lot today. I had a dream last night so vivid in colours but i dont know what it was all about. *Sighs* I guess im no good at this stuff. I feel alone, totally isolated in my head.

Today i got a letter from angiebear.. i started reading the book she got me for christmas too. I feel like giving in to all these things. I feel like living dreams. What life is about. Solving puzzles.

How is the dolphin swimming,,,going your own way and letting go of all the things that held ya back. Well dinner is almost ready.

got to go

mellow

Very very mellow today. I have been just a little sad.. maybe holding a pity party for myself. Hope i can move on, i know i can. I cant deal with a silent room.. andi fear hospital cause i guess all my creature comforts would be confiscated off me.

So i got a few dvds to watch... which is great. Im not going to the city tomorrow, i am just scared id freak it and then have a two hour hellish trip home.. i have done much reflecting.


U know the thing i held back from most was love. It still is. I cry at most things with love. Material things are not and cannot give u love.. iguess thats why i am a materialistic bitch.All those years ago I think i should have signed up for aa
the times i got drunk to overcome shyness. Making a fool out of myself..was common place.. i think i am now a little on the sober side. Or i have to be. Perhaps i was a massive show off after dutch courage.

I have missed out on a lot of things in life due to my alcohol infused nights. Now.. i have seen the error of my ways.

i could go on and on about this... i probably have and still will. I have started a journal. It is good to write. I just finished a letter to my pen friend.. and have another one to write this weekend.

I am not sure. Anyhow.. lala.

I have just about finished reading the comfort of saturdays.. (alexander mcall smiths) latest installment in the philosophical days of isabell. Its a really good read. I have a few other books to read too... im getting there.

Well.. got a few things to do..better go now


later alligator.

new day

It is about time i sat down to write. Although im not sure what to write about. Im sure if i dig round in my mind i can find a few things. Im glad its getting closer to when nicola and roman visit for louises wedding. Cept it still feels like i won't make it. I have been having a lot of nightmares thats for sure. All about death and doom and gloom type ones. I will discuss it with my case manager tomorrow.

I have done little today, just another day really, im chugging along slowly..who knows if ill even be able to go to the city on saturday. Im not sure i'll be well enough to travel. *big sigh* I have doubts so many doubts lately.

I have had a few fittings with the birdesmaids dress. Its a lovely colour. A deep purple. I think louise will look beautiful in her wedding dress. I just got to take it one day at a time. Crying about it all wont get me anywhere. I used to think that i was ok. Im not anymore.

So anyway.. im waiting for dad to come home now. I can hear the 2pm bus... i better go.

blog holiday

Have been spending little time writing. Will write more later though alligator.