Holding on...clutching at many straws...survivng...eating... just relaxing in general. No stress... holding on...to those things I can't have, reflecting back I was so snooty..(yes im still a tea snob loud and proud) even though I came from a small town that has quite a reputation for unemployed people etc. So what. I realize i lack confidence... that used to come in the shape of a bottle...
swig
swig
swig
Holding on to those memories where Ive just been smashed..no longer... poof gone... i dont drink that often anymore... and i certainly don't get drunk anymore. Maye a quiet tipple.. So the past is a little jaded. Mainly I have been having flash backs to uni days,...and its been doing my head in. I cant stop the images that echo so vividly. I usewd to think that no one found me attractive.. i think thats where i was wrong..my friend once handed me a a queen of hearts card...and smiled and said "thats what you are" Its funny any heart i had back then. I was shy and alcohol it a great thing for coming out of ones shell. Then there are moments of drinking and having no memory. Love truely blinded me in those teenage years..and i couldnt see it.
Holding on to that... i think i deserve to be the joker card now.. or a hermit card in the tarot deck. Im slowly emerging from 4years of anti social behaviour. I dont think. Letting my nails grow long...and bloody get cracking losing weight. Now i feel alone in my struggle. I know somewhere i am not the only one like this.
Holding on to clutter... i have a shitload of clutter i need to get rid of.. so it will be a BIG clean out. I want to start again, renew. So its almosst midnight now and im a little tired.
holding on to awake, holding on to sleep,holding on to dreams on wishes to keep.
goodnight
sleep tight..
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