loop

Things kept looping and looping around in my head last night and I could not get to sleep. It was mainly how I have treated men that had walked into my life and how I treated them all... mainly abused them all. With some form of awful behaviour... so its no wonder I'm not far off from spinsterhood. I know there are learning curves but there are things that i have now learned from that..well look at me i'm holding a candle to my past again.

It has been many years since moving home I have crushed some of my inner spirit. Sounds silly doesn't it? So many wrong choices, so much for being a kind person. I so wish. Well we all know how how that sentence ends don't we? Yeah *sighs* I keep wondering with the what ifs. It was playing in a loop like a recording..round and around..and finally got up and decided to numb out by playing some scrabble.

I think it has a lot to do with the fact I have no friends here.. and I so wish i did. It would make life a bit more interesting. Its not like i've pushed myself out under "the spotlight" or anything. Ive noticed the only greeting i get is from the bus driver and a few regular passengers. I guess a small greeting is better than nothing.

I found the absolutely cutest piece of scrap booking paper in the shop today....it has an owl on it. I think i will make Romans birthday card from that. I got a letter today from a pen friend in usa. A short note., the inside of the the envelope is beautiful..so im going to recycle it and make a card from the innards.

Scooter has to go get checked again tonight. I am going to attempt Gillian recipe. So far the track record cooking her food has not been successful. *sighs* I must be doing something wrong. Of course. Cooking is rewarding as it is experimental and tests patience .. I guess its like gardening (a little bit like art too) (ok ok u can apply it to anything)

I need some more tea , my stock is quite low. Well only 4 plus 3 different types of chai. So yes i have sort of got a range but not wide enough. I am almost out of honey bush, which i love soo much. It only has the life of about 2 more pots. I wonder how they get the names of paints..its astounding i would love to name colours of paints.

Anyhow..

better go

ciao