morning

its mid morning i had great sleep.I went to bed quite late. I mean I was up and the rugby had just started but I went to bed. Too much of a sleepyhead to stay up. I finished the other book, now im reading a book called The CLothesline Diet about a lady who tried everything she could to lose weight but nothing worked so she flew solo, and managed to lost a stack of weight. I have hopes for myself. I think I can lose alot of weight I just have to commit myself to it. I guess i have let myself go alot. *sigh* It becomes a problem when you have a well stocked pantry and resisting is really a challenge.

I only think yeah there are clothes to fit round me i don't care. Sometimes I find myself eating things i know i shouldnt. Owning up to the weight i've stacked on recently is tough. I didnt want to admit it until i went shopping the other day. As i've been the same weight for years now. There wont always be clothes to fit round me if i keep on eating. *sighs*

I want to be thin again, the same weight i was when i was in my early 20s. I get depressed sometimes and that makes me turn back to food again..its a vicious cycle to be in. Its not gonna be easy, i am aware of that. Think I will have to join a gym somewhere along the line. Im not jumping into it like that, or i won't land on my feet.. i'll end up i bit like Bridget Jones did coming down the fire pole .... arse first.

I want to start to look good for myself and no one else. After all I have no men running after me.. im not surprised looking the way i do. They all must think "shes obese, no way" personailty only gets you so far. Unfortunately thats the way society is. I have kept some of my 16clothes...that is my ultimate goal weight.

Even dad commented to me;.. he usually leaves me alone.. but for him to say something must mean its visible. I have tears streaming down my face at the moment.

Admission is the first step.

So i'll leave it at there for the moment. I will go read some more of that book.


signing out sarg,